The Daily Muse: The home stretch

The Muse Endorsed...
It was tough call, choosing the man who would be king of America--and the world--for the next 1,460 days or so.
For us the choice, such as it was, was not so much picking the lesser of three evils or selecting the candidate who would do us all the most good (and the least amount of harm).
Rather (Dan), it came down to this (somewhat selfish) decision: Who was going to provide The Daily Muse with the best material going into the next millennium?

Clinton. The indictments are certain to come, regardless of whether Bill and Hill stay in the seats of power (the First Easy Chairs plopped in front of the First TV while clutching the First Remote and munching on the First Cheese Whiz and Baloney [how appropriate?] Sandwiches).
But the situation grows more interesting, constitutionally speaking, if the Clinton clan remains in office when the federal marshals come a calling...

Dole. What can we say? He's older than he thinks. He barely managed to hold on without cracking, despite the stresses of the campaign--but not by much.
If he had won, we envisioned Bobdole losing it completely shortly after Inauguration Day; threatening to deport all the Democrats, raise and cut taxes and requiring his war stories to be read at the start of each school day. Just so you know, a vote for Dole was basically a vote for Kemp.

Perot. Ross the Boss wouldn't be so intolerable if we didn't have to listen to his whiny voice every day for the next 4 years (and beyond). Of course, one of his first acts in office would be to amend references in the Gettysburg Address to "government of you people, by you people and for you people..."
And then there would be the inevitable investigations of Perot's enemies--real and imagined. Needless to say, paranoia would run rampant.

So where did that leave us? Sittin' pretty, we say. Whoever won, we would be plenty busy. So it's to the dart board we went go to pick our winner.
You took our advice: Doing your duty, letting your consciences prevail and letting the rest work itself out (in some cases, way, way out...)

...Everybody

The final daze
"96 bottles of Geritol on the Wall, 96 bottles of Geritol..."
Yes indeed, Bob Dole and all those other folks flying with him cross-country aboard Leader Ship One or whatever the heck it's called on his final 96-hour push to victory must be wondering what it will be like when this (sentence/campaign) is all over and done with...
As Dole barnstorms across these great United States chanting, (privately, of course) "keep your fingers crossed and hope not to die," it seems a miracle of modern aviation that his plane remains aloft.
After all, his campaign has been performing crash landings since last winter and appeared to sputter out days before its scheduled ending. Yes, the Doleman insisted on returning home to the Watergate for some quality sack time just as President Bill was suiting up for his victory lap.
But the invincible Bubbster wasn't going to coast to his inaugural balls without a bump or two in the road.
There is the festering scandal to end all scandals (at least before the election. Or can he squeeze just one more in by Tuesday?)--the matter of funnyraiser extraordinaire John Huang. Yes, we now know there were two gentlemen by that name who frequented the White House, No. 1 [the bad one] and No. 2 [the good].
To make things all better, Clinton proposed to do away with the current, easily abused system of financing campaigns. "Please, take away that tainted punch bowl before I'm forced to sip from it again!" the president declared the other day, on his 321st trip to California since taking office.
For his part, Bobdole said he'd go the president one better and said he would create a White House ethics office. (And you thought Dole was for less government.) Yes, ladies and germs, what's needed is a full-time fox to guard this hen house of sin ...
Such is the state of affairs just two days before you folks prepare to do your duty and pull those magic levers.
Good luck...

Trick...

or...

...treat?

(You decide.)

Letters to the editor: aschnedr@cais.com