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"Don't worry, it's on me!"

Steve Forbes in the money

The golden platform

*His slogan: "The Best Government Money Can Buy (for $440 million)"

*His first priority: Appointing a commission to reform corporate welfare as we know it

*Give the White House to the homeless, so he can build a proper executive mansion

*Free subscriptions to a well-known business magazine

*Another slogan: "A filet mignon in every pot, a Benz in every garage"

*His plan for wiping out the U.S. budget deficit: "Do I make that out to Uncle Sam?"

*An even better flat tax plan: 0% for all (Forbes 500 companies pay even less!)

*Write Bob Dole a nice big check--if he'll just retire now

Farmer Steve

Steve Forbes and his wife got a Texas-size tax break
on their New Jersey estate by qualifying for a law that aids family farmers
struggling to make ends meet. The Forbes' 449-acre cow patch, worth
$8.9 million, drew a $2,215 tax bill last year, just a bit less than the
$124,000 they would have paid if they hadn't gotten the farm assessment.

Guess Forbes felt right at home in the farm-rich Iowa caucuses.

You too may already be a winner!

It says right there in his Federal Election Commission filings that Steve ("I'm buyin'")
Forbes lent his presidential campaign about $16 million during the fourth quarter--interest free,
of course. Our analysts figure that after out-of-pocket expenses of about $3.18 for lunch at McDonald's, the campaign netted close to $15.99999 million. (For comedic purposes, we'll leave out expenses for all those TV ads.)

That's enough to buy each of the 41 Republican delegates to be had in Iowa and New Hamphsire
a $390,000 home. Since they'll be avoiding the mess of a mortgage, the lucky winners won't have
to worry about that pesky flat tax (and the loss of the interest deduction) Steve has up his sleeve.

Misperceptions about that f--- tax

From the ghost of Saturday Night Live past,
comes Emily Litella to ponder the central issue of our time...

The ghost of Emily Litella
"What's all this fuss I hear about a fat tax?
Don't overweight people
have enough of a burden to carry around?
Who do Steve Forbes and those other Republicans
think they are, picking on fat people
and sticking them with another tax? Why I never..."

"Ms. Litella? Ms. Litella?"


"That's flat tax, Ms. Litella--not fat tax."

"Oh...never mind."

N.H.: A taxing loss
Before more recent victories, $teve Forbes, who finished fourth in New Hampshire, announced he wants a refund on all the money he wasted up in the Granite State. In addition, he put the IRS on notice that he's flat gonna declare the whole thing a capital loss on his 1995 and 1996 tax returns.

Why he quit

Someone's been digging in Steve's closet
Someone's unhappy about this page

Mosey on over to
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