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The Daily Muse

Look into my eyes

(You're getting very sleepy...)
Like the world's most famous groundhog, Pat Buchanan has popped out of his hole to declare that we're in for at least 4 more months of his campaign. Buchanan called a report that he was folding the tent and ending his presidential quest "grossly exaggerated," (kind of like his own candidacy, come to think of it). And he just about ruled out running under a third-party banner a la Perot.
If this leaves you puzzled about the Pat-man's next move, you're not alone. Our analysis says it can only mean one thing--his campaign machine is shifting into its final, mesmerizing (and potentially lethal) limbo phase.


Is he whistlin'...?

Pat Buchanan on Confederate flag
Pat Buchanan says if there's room in America for "We Shall Overcome," there's room as well for another tune from the historical past. So Buchanan, who had hoped in vain to pull a victory out of South Carolina's primary, announced he had adopted "Dixie" as his official campaign song.


And now (using the latest Netscape plug-in), we bring you this apolitical message,
directly from the cerebral cortex of a Buchanan supporter (the night Pat won New Hampshire):

"So git-out-of-town! Pat Buchanin's our next prezudint! Yee Ha... Ain't gonna let no foreigners in these here Unitud States. No siree-Bob-Dole. Gonna just have good, plain rednecks running this here part of the world called Washuntun, DeeCee. And, if any of 'em cottons to some outside radical 'lifestyle' or viewpoint we don't agree with, well, there'll be hell 2 pay. Yessiree. They'll be out looking for a job. Got no place in a Buchanin Administration. Don't need a no-goods trade agreement with communist agitaters, neither. Well, time to march on out of here and tune up the tractor for the Enogural Parade. Comin' up in January or thereabouts..."

(The above has been yet another short-attention-span editorial.)


Time traveler

First it was the comment about common folks "storming the castle" armed with "pitchforks." Now Pat Buchanan commands his followers: "Do not wait for orders from headquarters. Mount up and ride to the sound of the guns." In a span of 48 hours, he's moved rapidly from the Middle Ages to the Civil War.
Very impressive...



Pat Buchanan It didn't take long for Republican second-runner Pat Buchanan to give the boot to Larry Pratt after it was reported that his campaign co-chairman had been seen at meetings organized by white supremacists and other right-wing types. Though he said he believed Pratt's declaration that the charges were "vicious and false," Buchanan said the official "stood aside" so he wouldn't be a "distraction to the campaign" and its nothing-can-stop-us-now momentum.

Pratt, for his part, cried politics and denied charges of racism, saying he thought the fellas in white sheets and brown shirts he saw at those meetings were just making a fashion statement.


A hate-love relationship

Republican agitator Pat Buchanan is protesting his hate for X-Klansman David Duke so much, we're beginning to suspect something is amiss. In recent days, Buchanan has shed a handful of campaign workers with ties to Louisiana's Duke, founder of the National Association for the Advancement of Moronic Individuals (NAAMI). "We don't want anybody in our campaign who's associated with any organization today that is a racist or has any ties to these groups which I find deeply offensive," Buchanan told reporters in Arizona, where he was pricing chain-link fencing for a proposed help-our-southern-neighbors project along the Mexican border.

Duke announced he's running for the U.S. Senate, as a Republican, fueling speculation he's grooming himself to be Buchanan's veep when they kiss and make up later down the road.


Is a small avalanche 'The Big 'Mo'?

Was Pat Buchanan's presidential campaign finally on the move? The conservative Republican commentator certainly hoped so. With an Alaska straw poll victory under his belt, the Patster was praying this would be the beginning of the beginning on his long road to the White House.
"If you can win Nome, you can win anywhere," he was thought to think.


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