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Date: Thu, 05 Sep 1996 From: John Hill To: email@example.com Subject: Dick Morris Well you did it AGAIN! Missed the point of the whole shebang just like everybody else in AMERICA, so I had to pull the keyboard out and disconnect my VERBEX. (It recognizes my expletives and won't delete them). So for your edification here's the REAL skinny which is illustrated by some great moral TRUTHS! A: Jealous Rage can lead to a man's downfall. B: The only state secret revealed was that while Dick was paying two hundred an hour his boss was getting it for free. C: A wise man does not bite the hand that feeds him, or have his toes sucked by the bosses' honey. His ass could be grass! D: It is unwise to lust in your heart for the boss's wife and then tell your girlfriend about it! E: Being a "beard" can really tick a guy off. Nothing like a good cuckcolding to make him want to kick ass and take names. Ergo, mere disgrace and resignation does not satisfy the ego, so enter SADDAM. F: Man, talk about your Freud. Whew! Those tomahawk missiles PACK A LOT OF POWER, GO RIGHT WHERE THEY OUGHT TO GO, AND WHEN THEY EXPLODE GET OUTTA THE WAY, AND YUP, THEY'RE REALLY BIG! G: A wise man rejoices in his good fortune. VINCE FOSTER's flagrante delicto cost him more than his job! Well I trust you understand now. I won't belabor it. Why is it that real truth is so hard to see? JH Dear John, Thanks for your to-the-point analysis. I appreciate your efforts to keep emotions in check and discuss this important subject calmly and impassionately. However, for now at least, you have failed on both counts. Keep trying, though...
Date: Fri, 27 Sep 1996 From: Ron Vinyard To: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject: Hello Muse D'Muse, I remain somewhat perplexed over the behaviour of the folks on my block... The issue of chemical castration, which Piet Wilson, our Uberguvner, recently signed into law, left 'em largely yawning. Rumor has it that next up will be chemically administered lobotomy for three-strikers, treatment periods to be prescribed by law and leaving little discretion to the sentencing judge. Feeling is that this will be very cost effective - won't have to keep those people in expensive prisons. Meanwhile, we have forced an initiative onto the fall ballot to make prescription marijuana available to comfort our sick and dying. Piet has consistently stopped every effort to do this in the past, saying that he was protecting the afflicted from the hoax that marijuana might make them feel better. This despite the fact that the sick and dying seem to like the stuff, and feel better when they use it. As you can see, it's a curious block that I live on. One might think that an enlightened people would rise up in outrage, and demand ... something, I dunno. But then, the new season has started on TV and there is a lot to think about. Regards, -rv Thanks for the report. Life round your parts sounds depressing. When's the next block party to cheer folks up? Read Ron's earlier block report
Date: Fri, 27 Sep 1996 From: Phil White Organization: ABC Generic Company Inc. To: email@example.com Subject: Clin-ton Can't he ever tell the truth? How about giving a staight answer. He went around in circles on the Whitewater pardon questions. Dear Phil, If truth teller were he, would he be a pol?
Date: Thu, 26 Sep 1996 From: Chris Gilbey To: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject: Dole work With a name like Dole I think that the most appropriate job for him would be to run Social Security. Then people would be able to collect their dole check from Dole. Regards, Chris Gilbey
Date: Wed, 25 Sep 96 From: Bill Oman To: email@example.com Subject: Dole work? Special Envoy to Chico, California (without portfolio.) Relax, Bob. Help Libby with the Red Cross. Best Bet for the Bobster is Mayor for life of Russell, KA. (Or maybe he wants to be Commissioner of Baseball.) (Even better - Honorary Commissioner of Baseball) (He could work with Bill Bennett to put Honor back in the game) (May as well make it a clean sweep - make Kemp Commissioner of Football) (Instead of moving a football team to a city, maybe Kemp can move a city to a football team - like maybe Cleveland to Buffalo. It's just across the lake, right?) Cheers. Hello Bill, Thanks for your suggestions. They will be forwarded to the Dole retirement desk at dolekemp96.org.
Date: Mon, 23 Sep 1996 From: Bob Brown To: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject: Dole work 1)Clinton's RIGHT HAND man (get it) 2)Official lamp tossing target Dear Bob, Noticed your ideas suggest a very "active" role for Bob in the Clinton administration. Glad you haven't counted him out of the game altogether...
Date: Fri, 20 Sep 1996 To: email@example.com From: Chris Colas Subject: A word with you... You guys are really sick. You've made my bookmark list. Congratulations.
Date: Tue, 17 Sep 1996 From: Brian Leong To: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject: Long Live the Muse Dear Daily Muse crew: You know, I don't even remember how I first came across the Daily Muse, but I've become hooked. As far as content goes, the Muse is probably the best page I have come across in my web travels. It is obvious that a lot of work goes into the page, a rare combination of analysis, humor, and technical accomplishment. I like the Muse so much that, concerned for your financial situation, I actually went poking around LOOKING for your sponsors, when I happened across your "Soliciting" link. I imagine that there are many people who would like to do what they can to help keep the Muse moving forward (short of actual cash donations, heh heh). Are you planning any campaigns to draw sponsor attention? If so, please display your plan conspicuously, that the Daily Muse faithful may unite, and rise in defense of enlightenment, intellect, and the Norteamericano way (Made in Taiwan). Hey, how about pitching Daily Muse t-shirts? Be like Nike, without oppressing Third-World nations: get people to advertise your product by paying you! It would be cool if you could get permission to print your site awards somewhere on the shirt... Thank you all for your fine "product", Brian Leong :o) Hello Brian, Thanks so much for the kind words. They keep us going. It's funny that you should mention T-shirts (one size fits all!), which have been bandied about as a possible Muse revenue source. But we've been so busy uploading the site that we're way behind on our sewing. Stay tuned.
Date: Fri, 20 Sep 1996 From: Rob Wedding To: email@example.com Subject: Found you... I do humor searches with "Excite" to get material for a humor/editorial column that I write. This is my first visit to your site and am quite pleased. I'll be back... keep up the good work. Rob Wedding
Date: Tue, 17 Sep 1996 From: "ROBERT W. MACPHERSON" To: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject: Miss Politics Actually, the lady has a lot in common with the old guy...neither of them actually has spent much time in KKKansas. On the other hand, slick willie does have a certain sax appeal, don't he? Wonder if we'll have a real election before the end...
Date: Tue, 17 Sep 1996 From: "ROBERT W. MACPHERSON" To: email@example.com Subject: middle America's conspiracy. Has anyone else noticed that the middle of the country is taking over? Is it just a coincidence or what that both serious presidential wannabees are from states that contain the word Kansas? (Special note: even though Texas is technically in the middle, the little guy with ears is probably not a part of the conspiracy...just another victim). Heck, the other night they even managed to steal the Miss America crown from all of the outlying areas. Kinda scary, ain't it? Next thing you know we'll all be watching crop reports and the weather channel and talkin about how far we're behind in the year's rain. Isn't there anybody we can call? Dear Robert, Do you think we're in for more rain, and with the short cool summer, are we due for a ton of snow this winter? We at The Daily Muse are tired of mowing our lawn and can't wait to get busy raking. Of course, what's this going to do to the grain elevators--and, more to the point, the price of bread?
Date: Fri, 20 Sep 1996 From: "ROBERT W. MACPHERSON" To: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject: Re: Miss Politics & Middle America I think its important that my fellow paranoids realize that they are not alone. Some may think these weather patterns are accidental, but isn't it funny how Kansas has mysteriously missed all of the major calamaties everyone else has suffered this year. Just yesterday, I saw Farmer Larson down at the Mudway Cadillac dealer eyeing up his new El Dorado. And if you think bread prices are going to be bad, wait to you see what they're going to do to twinkies !!! Just as an editorial aside, I should let you know that I am really quite an average guy, but I do appreciate the finer points of sarcasm and long for the day when Saturday Night Live will return to its finer calling. Must be those sixteen years under the water I spent on submarines in the US Navy. Have a great day and watch out for the combines! Mac :)
Date: Fri, 20 Sep 1996 From: "ROBERT W. MACPHERSON" To: email@example.com Subject: Re: Miss Politics & Middle America Thanks for the reply. Of course you can publish my letter. I will visit your site often since it has the kind of stuff that I can relate to. I have been writing this kind of stuff for a hobby for years and I feel like I have found a new home base to relate to. My wife says it has something to do with being underwater for 16 years (I just retired from the Navy not too long ago and spent a good deal of my time on submarines).
Date: Sun, 15 Sep 1986 From: Ela Naderi To: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject: bob dole better than bill clinton bob Dole is a better man than that crook clinton!!!!! all that clinton has done was lie to each and every one of us. if bill cunton is re-elected i will move out of the country!!!!!! Hello Ela, So, we surmise you prefer Bob Dole because he's never personally lied to you. Well, neither have we. Does that mean you'd vote for us? Anyway, show us a pol who's never told a lie and we'll show you a dead cherry tree.... I hope you got a chance to check out our Bill Clinton pages, including: http://www.cais.net/aschnedr/clinton.htm http://www.cais.net/aschnedr/white.htm http://www.cais.net/aschnedr/morris.htm and of course, for the latest: http://www.cais.net/aschnedr/muse.htm By the way, which country are you moving to, and do they have Net access?
Date: Fri, 13 Sep 1996 To: email@example.com From: Anson Turner Subject: "Lanky" Sampras I must object to your description of Pete Sampras as "lanky". According to my copy of The Official Scrabble Players Dictionary, lanky means "ungracefully tall and thin". Ungraceful? How can the world's highest-ranked male tennis player be considered "ungraceful"? firstname.lastname@example.org is a pretty strange email address for you to be using, Mr. Agassi. You're not fooling anyone, pal. Your performance against Chang was pathetic! I have to go take my medication now.
Date: Tue, 10 Sep 1996 To: email@example.com From: Doug Thompson (Capitol Hill Blue) Subject: Is it over yet? I keep hoping to wake up and find out it's Nov. 6. . .Oh well, perchance to dream... A note to say the redesign looks good. I check in daily to get a good laugh and look for ideas to. . .er. . .steal. Doug
Date: Fri, 13 Sep 1996 From: Doug Linn To: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject: Thanks ... I listen to CNN, ABC, CBS and NBC, then I turn on the computer and pull up the Daily Muse to find out what they were talking about ... they are SO politically correct you can't always tell. Thank you for clarifying the world for me! Hey folks, thanks for a great site ... and thanks for the chuckle. Hello Doug, What, you mean you don't also tune in to MSnbc? Still, it seems you have entirely too much time on your hands (& knees).
Date: Tue, 10 Sep 96 From: Brian Balonis Organization: University of Maryland, Baltimore County To: email@example.com Subject: Keep it up I thought I would drop you a line and tell you what I think of your Muse. Well I think it is great. It is nice to be able to take a step back and make fun of what is going on around us everyday. Thanks for the good time and keep it up. Hello Brian in Baltimore, You hit our mission statement right on the head (ouch). Stepping back is what we do best. However, we have found that if we go too far, we fall over, which can be very dangerous. Do not try this at home.
Date: Thu, 05 Sep 1996 From: Ron Vinyard To: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject: California Dreamin' The people on my block are appalled ... After having lived here for the better part of 30 years, one would think that my adopted home state would have lost the ability to distress me ... but no, apparently there are no depths that the Golden State will not plumb. Just on the heels of Gov. Pete (we'll lead the nation to castration!) Wilson signing a bill requiring the castration of repeat sex offenders, we find the newly-formulated, super-low-smog producing, very expensive gasoline. Seems that one of the prime chemicals in this ghastly soup causes the rubber in the fuel lines to break down, causing fuel leaks and consequent fires. Since June, there has been a 10% increase in auto fires statewide. Several of these fires have started in the owner's garages, thus endangering the homes of the owners. All have been traced to fuel system leaks. Now all this has been going on with the full knowledge of state government, which leads one to speculate ... What's next? Let the punishment fit the crime, say we. Chop the hands off shoplifters, burn witches at the stake, pillory the homeless. Maybe Pete Wilson should have to shoot craps with this gasoline for the rest of his life, however long that may be. Let Bubba worry about the 21st century, what we need here in California is a bridge to the 20th! Hello Ron, I sense a government conspiracy to systematically reduce your beautiful state's population. Research this and report back ASAP.
Date: Sun, 08 Sep 96 From: Larry Muse To: email@example.com Subject: Your site Hey, I was searching on my family name and was quiet surprised to find your web page. I love as does my father and brother. Keep up the good work, Any royalities that might accrue through the use of my name would be appreciated. Thanks. Hello Larry (if that really is your name), Glad The Daily Muse could be of help on your genealogy project (or did we serve as a dead end). As for the royalties, you could be the first to contribute to our so-far-not-for-profit (OK, OK, revenue-losing publication). If you'd like we'll tell you where to mail the check:}
Date: Sun, 08 Sep 1996 From: "P. Huber" To: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject: Dear Muse Thanks so much for your musings. I do find among friends and family that political satire is definitely a matter of tast or the lack there of! Some people have absolutely no sense of humor and I know now that humor is not genetic. This especially is for the Clinton-Gore types in my family! Keep up the good work and I will continue to spread the word about The Daily Muse!
From: Amber Date: Fri, 13 Sep 96 To: email@example.com Subject: (no subject) Thanks for the laughs--it was Great. Well done. Thanks again.
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